I cannot even express the fact how much suppressed I am, I saw myself speaking into camera and I was shocked to say the least. I speak and act like a real robot. I find it very difficult to accept my reality, yet I am doing it gradually. I am constantly pushing myself forward, trying to stay awake and face the fear, the fear of not being able to make it. Still I am grateful to myself that I showed me to me and now some change is possible. I just thought of water and how patient and calm it is. I… Continue

OK, what I want is some real shit to come out. For that wish to come true it is enough to shut your mind for few minutes. The mind is like the container of all the lies we have, suppressed sexual desires, anger, desires of attention and specialness. The mind is a system, a system of control, which makes sure our presentation of ourselves in the world is normal. Fortunately this system is falling, the structures breaking and reality of ourselves surfacing whether we are prepared or not. It will b… Continue

Today is the first day I made a recording of myself trying to express myself, unconditionally. Camera is a very good tool because when you speak with someone you somehow feel you can say something stupid and simply get away with that without any consequence. I found it very difficult to be dishonest in front of the camera. Gradually when speaking and it is the same with writing, something changes, I become more simple, difficult to explain, but the need to show off dissipates, desire to impress,… Continue

I am the realization of inevitability of becoming a total and complete being, sounding every word as me. Therefore the self forgiveness I express is the totality of my being. I do Self forgiveness only after totally seeing the point, realizing the importance of changing accepted behavior to assist myself further in self realization. I am taking all the responsibility for maintaining myself as a directive principle in my life. My sounding words expressed as self forgiveness are changing me, relea… Continue

We are all on our way to a new world. The trip is hard and is in the process of becoming even more and more difficult. We begin to face ourselves, all and every part of ourselves. We’ll face the parts of ourselves that we have denied and hidden from, for a very long time. We are not who we think we are, what we are now is just a small fraction of the real selves. Last night I had a very vivid dream about what is to come. I asked to show me saying I am ready to see. I woke up in fear. I saw the b… Continue